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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399622">Time Immaterial</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artesiaminor/pseuds/artesiaminor'>artesiaminor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(kind of), Anxiety, Conversations, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fear, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, M/M, Minor Spoilers, Post-Time Skip, Some Recruitment, War Concerns, no beta we die like Glenn, soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:02:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artesiaminor/pseuds/artesiaminor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Claude's starting to bend under the strain of the war effort. Under the bloodshed. Under the fact that his former fellow house leaders seemed to care so much less than him that so many people were dying for their ambitions. </p><p>He can't show it. He must not waver. Claude dons his masks and keeps pushing forward as though nothing is wrong. </p><p>But it's not good enough to fool Felix.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Time Immaterial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a string pulled taut in Claude’s mind, and on one end it was his own war council as they continue to question not his strategies but <em>him</em> and his fitness as Duke, and on the other it was Edelgard and Dimitri as they plowed through their own lands, killing everything in reach. </p><p>Claude was getting sick and tired of defending Edelgard’s citizens for her, or cleaning up Dimitri’s bloody aftermath. There was never an attempt for peace, never even a thought of it so it seemed. His former fellow house-leaders wanted to paint Fódlan in red and rule over empty grounds, which Claude found unacceptable. </p><p>Right now, however, it was the council was pulling him a bit more incessantly as he was within a meeting. The other end was always there, however, never loosening their grip, creating a burning feeling behind Claude’s eyes that never went away and prevented him from sleep. </p><p>Felix stood beside him, listening to the war council, offering his own ideas. Felix would rather be taking a sword to most of those on the council, his most common rival actually being Ingrid who had been the one to tell Claude of Felix's creative tactics, but Felix kept himself sated by insulting the church representatives thoroughly. Claude was aware he somehow had gained Felix’s attention, for though he was speaking and moving pieces, his gaze would incline ever so slightly in Claude’s direction over and over, wary of something. </p><p>Finally their gaze caught and Claude raised his eyebrows and gave a small smile. </p><p>Felix looked unimpressed and continued adjusting the pieces in what he believed to be a more worthwhile position. Claude considered the change, and breathed through his nose. </p><p>“But you see, if we do that, that leaves the port as the only opening, essentially trapping the villagers,” Claude said. </p><p>One church representative blustered and shouted. “What difference does it make? It is the Empire’s villagers, let the Empress deal with it.” </p><p>A moment of silence at the representative’s outburst, Claude held back his sigh. It wasn’t the first time such commentary was thrown about in the war room, typically from church-representatives all holding the ire of Rhea at Edelgard’s betrayal. </p><p>“I don’t take pleasure in killing innocent people,” was all Claude said. It was too alluding to his disgust with Edelgard’s tactics, and too open with his own weariness at needing to take such precautions since this would all be so much cleaner if Edelgard bothered to <em>evacuate </em>her towns, but Claude bared down as though his tone was intentional. He could show criticism, he was the one leading this war effort. Though he typically tended to the church representatives with kid-gloves — lest he send half a dozen devotees to Seteth in complaint — they needed also to be aware that he was the one who made the final decision and would determine how they proceeded in their campaign.</p><p>Next to him, Felix stiffened and became rigid, back straight as a board, no longer even checking to look at him as he had this entire meeting. It was as though he was more bothered by Claude’s comment than the church representatives. </p><p>Instead of regarding Claude, though, Felix began lecturing the church representative. “How do we have to go through this again? Ridiculous how you people can’t keep your own goals straight. It would be <em>against </em>your interests to have our armies kill the villagers, if you truly want to instill faith in the central church in the empire. Kill everyone and we'll be no better than Edelgard.” Felix put his hands on his hips and tipped back, regarding the representative with his steely gaze. </p><p>“If they support Edelgard, then they are enemies of —“</p><p>Felix didn’t even let him finish.“I don’t like repeating myself, and pointing out the obvious for you idiots is a waste of breath. We haven’t been killing those we don’t have to this entire war, and we’re not going to start just because you, a man who does not even go on the battlefield, are getting impatient.” </p><p>Claude raised his hands out and gave a breezy smile, working to smooth over Felix’s harsh words as usual, though necessary as they were. “Though I appreciate your opinion, sir, Felix is right. I want to do what I can to help keep the church strong, and I don’t see merit in killing villagers who may end up being of great help some day. It’s just not the right tactic at this time.” </p><p>The representative huffed and stepped away. Claude stepped back as well. “I think that’s enough for today. We’ve got a week until we ride out, and this is a detail. I’m confident we can press it out before then.” </p><p>Ingrid smiled and nodded, and as a respected member of this council, when she backed away from the table many others did. Several of the representatives paid Felix hard glares as they turned away from the map, but that wasn’t uncommon, and if Felix noticed it didn’t show. </p><p>Somehow, the war council being done didn’t ease the tightness Claude’s mind. The war was an endless, needy beast, more demanding than a baby wyvern, and whatever energy Claude had it ate up and still demanded <em>more</em>. </p><p>This wasn’t something he could express, however. </p><p>Claude went to claiming his papers, stacking them, and preparing to go to the infirmary to check with the casualties within the tent. Then Claude had to speak with Judith and Nader and see where they were at with getting Almyran forces to assist them. After that, Claude wanted to speak with Shamir and Hanneman as they had worked closely with Hubert and Claude had a feeling their next march would lead them to an area heavily — </p><p>Felix grabbed his arm, catching his attention and shaking him from his thoughts. Claude blinked at the harshness in Felix’s features, causing Claude to stop all that he was doing. </p><p>Usually Felix relaxed when they were finally alone. They spoke of common annoyances, and Claude allowed himself to be a bit more genuine with him. But as the two stood in the now empty war room, Felix looked more wound up than ever. </p><p>“Come with me.” </p><p>“Is there something wrong?” Claude asked. He kept his tone lighthearted, as he did with everyone else. He needed to maintain the picture of confidence, and though he sometimes allowed Felix to see beyond that, when Felix was ruffled as he was now Claude knew to keep his own emotions under wraps. </p><p>Glancing away from Claude’s gaze, Felix looked at the papers in Claude’s hands and ripped them from his hands, tucking them under his own arm. “Come with me.”</p><p>Grip never loosening, Felix began to walk, and despite Claude’s protests he followed. “Felix, I do have prior engagements.”</p><p>“They can wait.”</p><p>“No, they can’t.” If Claude wasn’t doing the tasks he’d already set out, he still had a hundred other tasks that needed to get done for the war effort. Everything had been ramped up recently, and Claude was working well into most nights if he slept at all. There was too much that needed to get done. </p><p>Felix did not answer him this time, only continuing to march onward. Felix really was a tense man, born for battle as he claimed, as even in his walk there was no sense of wandering in his gait; instead he walked dead-set to a destination even if it was to look at the flowers. If Claude really tried, he could get Felix off of him, but it was rare that Felix was so emphatic. This was potentially important as well, so Claude allowed himself to be pulled along. </p><p>They made it to the dormitories and went down the hall. Claude noticed Hilda’s door was open and realized he also needed to confer with her and Lorenz, as they had gone out on their own mission and he hadn’t gotten the reports from them yet, and usually Lorenz was so punctual even if Hilda was not. </p><p>As if sensing this distraction, Felix tugged on Claude hard and forced him to walk side-by-side. </p><p>“Jeez, you could have just asked me to walk faster.”</p><p>Felix still didn’t answer. They went past Claude’s room — thankfully reminding Claude that he needed to pick up some more documents before he spoke with Hanneman — but they didn’t stop there. Instead Felix brought him before his own room, threw open the door and essentially shoving Claude inside. </p><p>“If you wanted privacy, you could have spoken in the war room, Felix. I’d make sure no one overheard —“</p><p>“That’s not it.” Felix kicked the door shut behind them and pushed Claude into the middle of his room. </p><p>Five years after the Academy and Felix’s room looked startlingly similar, not that Claude had seen it often then. It was just a slightly less messy version of Claude’s room, the desk still immaculately neat even though the ledge of the window was covered in papers and books and whetstones. The familiarity of it, however, did bring Claude a sense of calm. </p><p>Essentially manhandling him, Felix pushed Claude to sit on the bed. Claude furrowed his eyebrows. “What are we doing?”</p><p>“You need a moment,” Felix said. He stood before Claude, and Claude couldn’t help but laugh. Felix seemed just as unsure of what he was doing as Claude was. </p><p>Then it dawned on Claude as to what Felix was asking, and he tensed. “Not right now.” </p><p>“You need a moment,” Felix insisted, stepping closer, trying to stop Claude from rising just by the presence of his body. </p><p>Claude sighed and stood anyway. Claude didn’t have time for this, and he was having a hard time believing that Felix thought that <em>he </em>had time for this.</p><p>Expressing this, however, would only lead Felix to conclude that he was correct, because stating things such as <em>“there is no time” </em>always rounded back with the urge to <em>make time.</em> Instead, Claude gave a breezy grin and spun about Felix, remaining far too close to him for Felix's comfort. “What kind of moment?” </p><p>If Claude flustered Felix and embarrassed him, he might get annoyed enough with him to leave. It was as good a strategy as any, and had worked before. </p><p>Felix flushed, as he always did, because it was quite easy to make him blush when it came to matters even dancing around personal. The problem lied in the fact that Felix knew what Claude was trying to do, evident in the smoky glare on his face. </p><p>“That’s not going to work this time.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I could get it to work,” Claude said, keeping his smile cool and quirking up an eyebrow. </p><p>Felix stepped back, glare reigniting, ready to go to war with Claude right there. It made Claude exhausted to just to look at. His words, however, contradicted his expression. “When’s the last time you meditated?”</p><p>The question threw Claude slightly off kilter, as he hadn’t been aware Felix cared or found merit in his meditation habits, nor had he ever heard the topic spat at him so hostilely.</p><p>When Claude thought of the answer, the actual answer, he had to admit that it'd been a while. He didn't sleep much, and he used to meditate when he woke up, but recently he'd been waking up in chairs more than he had from a bed.</p><p>That was a response that would only goad Felix further, however, so instead Claude opted for a simple answer, wanting to get the conversation over with. “Recently.” It was a vague enough term that it wasn’t exactly a lie, as he was finding it harder these days to lie to Felix blatantly. </p><p>Despite their footwork, Claude moving towards the door, Felix moving about him to block him, Claude still managed to get to the exit. “I’m good. You don’t need to worry about me.” Claude reached for the handle. </p><p>Felix grabbed his wrist, grip hard, it was as though he was wearing a gauntlet. </p><p>“You need a moment. Take care of yourself. Now is not the time to abandon who you are.” </p><p>This was Felix being kind, and Claude knew that, but he couldn’t have this right now. “Felix, I am fine.” </p><p>It was rare that Claude truly got annoyed, especially at Felix, but this was unraveling Claude's ability to be calm. There was surely someone waiting at his door while he was trapped behind Felix’s. A thousand different obligations were at his heels, meanwhile he had to spin around a swordsman who was good at beating back as Claude was at pushing forward. </p><p>“In the time it’s taking you to argue with me you could have given yourself some time."</p><p>Yet Claude was good at claiming his emotions, wielding them into something else to get what he wanted. A skill he knew Felix was particularly bad at, to boot. “Do I really seem all that unsettled to you?” </p><p>The change in his tone from playful to soft got Felix to blush all over again, and reminded him of his issue with eye contact. He looked away. “You act like it.”</p><p>“How so?” Felix’s grip slackened. “Is something I’m doing worrying you, Felix? Tell me, I will correct it.” Pushing the problem onto Felix was another tactic that had worked in the past. Blame it on Felix not having control of his emotions, and he’d ultimately get defensive, shut down, and leave. </p><p>To his surprise, though, Felix answered honestly. “Your masks are slipping,” Felix said. “Anyone could see in there that you were irritated with the war council.” </p><p>“Am I not allowed to show irritation? You don’t mince your words,” Claude argued, but it was a bad argument. A bad argument that likely would just propel Felix’s feelings that Claude was breaking, because typically Claude made compelling arguments fairly easily. Of course Felix was brash and harsher with the more annoying nobles on the war council; it was who he was, and he did not have to give false platitudes in order for the war effort to continue running smoothly. </p><p>If Felix got angry and pissed someone off, it was gossip. If Claude upset someone, it could incite internal rebellion. </p><p>“You usually manage to stop yourself,” Felix said. This was true. The words came with an undertone of “<em>you usually let me be annoyed for you</em>” which was also true. </p><p>“Sometimes I need to hold my own ground. Show that I can. Can’t always rely on others,” Claude said. He knew the implication of those words would bother Felix, Claude pointing out that there was anything of dependency between the two and that it was in any way to a detriment, and when Felix flinched he knew the blow had landed. </p><p>Claude was being a bit cruel, but he’d make up for it later if Felix let him. </p><p>Felix stilled. His gaze was trained on Claude and Claude’s was trained on him. His grip became that of steel, the same strength he held his sword when feeling particularly overcome with anger and was unable to express it against a dummy. </p><p>When Felix didn’t speak, Claude continued turning the handle, breaking their stalemate. However, Felix achieved checkmate first. </p><p>“Fine. End up like the boar,” Felix spat. “Wound to the point of breaking, demented and thoughtless. Is that what you want?” </p><p>Felix had his own ability to be cruel, too. </p><p>Comparisons to Dimitri were rare, and often dismissible. Usually brought up by a wine-sniffing noble who didn’t really know what they were talking about, which would always provoke Felix’s ire if Claude was unable to show his own disapproval. Those who made such comments were trying to express displeasure at Claude being a schemer, not being proper, still questioning him as fit to be Duke; they weren’t claiming that Claude was possessed with revenge and acting barbaric. </p><p>Felix, however, never brought up the Dimitri unless he felt it necessary, and had never once expressed such a concern about Claude before. The whole point of Felix coming to the Alliance was because he believed Claude was different. Incapable, even, of becoming like the man Felix feared and grieved in a thousand different ways. </p><p>For Felix to say something like that was throwing everything they’d established on the line. </p><p>Claude let go of the door. Felix let go of Claude. </p><p>“That’s quite a comment coming from you.” Claude kept his tone light, breezy, as though unaffected. However, he knew he wasn’t entirely convincing, visibly reeling before Felix. He made way back to the desk and leaned against the edge, crossing his arms to create a physical barrier, donning a smile to make an emotional one. “You really think I’m about to become unhinged, huh?” </p><p>For what it was worth, Felix appeared stunned by his own statement as well. He followed Claude, seemingly dazed, staring at the ground. However, Claude knew not to expect an apology. Instead, Felix said, "You hate the war. The fighting.” </p><p>“I do.” There was no point in denying that. Though Felix liked fighting, he liked that Claude didn't. Felix had told him so, and that had admittedly had instilled Claude with a bit of pride.</p><p>Now, however, it felt like a criticism. And a hefty one at that. </p><p>He must be spending too much time with Felix, because something in his demeanor caused Felix to change his. “It’s getting to you,” Felix explained, his tone far softer than Claude had ever remembered hearing him before, but there was always that grit there to roughen up his own voice. “You don’t rest. You scheme and you plan, and you do everything right, so no one would ever think to stop you.”</p><p>“Except you?” </p><p>“I’ve seen it before,” he said. Felix gave a panicked glance to Claude’s face, wondering if these words would cause a reaction worse than the last. Claude kept himself neutral, though, and Felix looked away. </p><p>This didn’t hurt Claude, not personally, but helped display a rather painful understanding of where Felix’s concerns were rooted. Seeing similarities between Dimitri, who had been a beloved friend and Claude who was — well, whatever he was — to Felix, made him nervous. This conversation was not a culmination of disappointment in Claude, rather a deep-seated, and from what Claude could gather, perfectly understandable concern that Felix kept close to heart. </p><p>This was him being protective, which Claude was learning that Felix had such instincts ground into the very core of who he was. It was just surprising that Felix was so protective of <em>him</em>. </p><p>Claude dropped the smile. Dropped his arms as well, instead bracing his hands on the desk’s edge. If Felix Hugo Fraldarius could be open during a conversation, so could he. </p><p>"I…” Felix clenched and unclenched his fists. Reached for his sword that wasn’t on his belt, and, embarrassed at the comfort-seeking act, went back to clenching his fists at his sides. “I’m not going to fail twice.”</p><p>“When have you failed before?” Claude asked. This was a point that they disagreed upon in the gnarly tangled up history Felix had with Faerghus. It had not been on Felix alone to stop Dimitri’s fall into madness, no matter what he thought.</p><p>“Don’t do that,” Felix snapped. “He was my responsibility.” In Claude’s opinion he hadn’t been, yet, as Felix had not been Duke and had never wanted to be. Felix thought differently, and only in rare moments did Claude get him to bend a little on that discussion. Still, Claude couldn’t help but be a bit amused at how willing Felix was to argue that point right now, in the middle of an entirely different conversation. </p><p>It wouldn’t be Felix if he didn’t fight tooth and nail at every possible front, a man with so many hills to die on that his mental landscape was a mountain range. Claude was the same. In that way, they were very much alike. </p><p>“You know what I think,” Claude said. There was no need to speak on that further now, even if Felix’s ability to try was awe-inspiring. “What would you have me do?” This wasn’t the same taunt as before. Now he wanted to know, what did Felix think was going to help him? He had mentioned meditating, is that what Felix wanted from Claude? Would that convince him he wasn’t about to break?</p><p>Felix looked like he was bracing himself for battle. He stood before Claude, knees bent, chin tipped up and staring down at him, jaw clenched hard. However, his hands were behind him, as if he was stopping himself from reaching for his sword again. </p><p>“Go on, then.”</p><p>Claude blinked. “I... think I missed something."</p><p>Felix gave him a flat look in return, chin dipping down ever so slightly. “Do what you need to. Let it out. Snap at me, if you want. Get angry, yell, I don’t care. Just take a moment to do what <em>you </em>need to do.” </p><p>The grin fell, and Claude's eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want to snap at you.” Claude didn’t want to snap at all. Was that what Felix was doing, preparing himself for barbed words and a punch? Claude supposed that was the way that Felix dealt with things, but it certainly wasn’t Claude’s style. </p><p>He’d argue that truly wasn’t Felix’s style either, but again, another argument for another time. </p><p>Claude smiled again, but his heart plummeted. “Felix.” A glint of annoyance flashed in Felix’s eyes at Claude’s admonishing tone, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t much like that Felix was so prepared to take a berating, though he had to appreciate that Felix had been willing to take as much as he could give. “I don’t want to yell at you,” he said softer. “You don’t deserve that.” </p><p>“You need to do something. Vent a little. It’s fine, I can take it.” </p><p>“It’s not about what you can take. I know you can take it. I don’t want to.” Felix raised his eyebrows and faltered, his gaze sweeping Claude as if trying to find the lie on his skin. Claude tried to make himself as emphatic and open as possible when he said, “Truly, Felix. Stand down, I’m not doing that.” </p><p>Lashing out usually made Claude feel worse, and he had learned a long time ago that it brought him no favors. Besides, Claude really didn’t like being angry. He’d spent too much of his time when he was younger surrounded by angry people, and when he came to Fódlan he was presented with more anger, though it was in a colder, more callous way than Almyra. And their anger wasn’t a shield like Felix’s, defending all of the more complicated emotions underneath, leaving Claude spun about wondering if he had just been insulted or complimented, making him feel both soft and rigid at the same time. No, everyone else’s anger was raw, and left nothing warm in its path. </p><p>In order to calm himself down Claude didn’t need to express so much as he needed to reflect. Turn over what he was feeling and unfold it, like a secreted note to be read, and then tuck it away again with better understanding. </p><p>It was a way of coping with emotions so out of Felix’s element that he was at a loss, and as such, his fighting stance dropped. “I don’t know then,” he blustered, unable to finish his thought, and the sentence would die off entirely. Felix was blushing again, and this time casting his gaze an opposite direction was not enough, opting to turn his face toward the window entirely. Claude’s gaze followed his, and out the window he saw that the sun was setting.</p><p>Ah, well. It looked like he’d made time after all. Disappointing and somewhat crushing as all of his responsibilities were, Felix’s concerns were also something he knew had to be handled. They were valid, even if a bit dramatic, but considering what he’d been through Claude couldn’t be surprised. </p><p>Claude’s head thudded against the back of the desk, watching the sun go down. It was beautiful, but it made Claude weary, and not because of the coming night. It was in the way the red painted the sky. It was deep, immense, pulsing bright before it faded into the violet of the night. This red reminded Claude too much of Edelgard’s forces, of the war, of burning buildings and children’s shoes and —</p><p>Felix’s hands were on his shoulders. </p><p>Claude’s gaze darted from the window back to Felix. </p><p>At first, all Claude could think was that he was a <em>sight</em>. His hair had these golden threads among the black that were pulled back into his messy ponytail. His face glowed with this soft yellow, like the flowers that rimmed Garreg Mach. His eyes, usually narrow and the color of rust were copper in the light. </p><p>The reality of Felix, however, was that he looked so visibly unsure and unstable that in another situation Claude might have laughed, or at the very least he knew he would have smiled. Now, however, he was as internally unsteady as Felix was outwardly, so he didn’t move an inch, waiting for Felix’s next move. Felix’s maw was set softer than usual, no scowl apparent, his eyebrows upturned with concern. This contrasted heavily to the gaze Felix had trained on Claude like was a target, far too hard for what he was trying to do, but Claude didn’t mind. In fact he kind of liked the fact that he could always feel when Felix’s eyes were on him. </p><p>Claude cocked his head to the side, considering him and Felix flinched at the motion, stopping himself from turning away again. The jittering in Felix’s arms was ever present, like a bowstring about to split. </p><p>Opening his mouth to tell Felix that he didn’t need to do this, Felix brought in an inhale so sharp and quick that it brought Claude to stop himself before he began. Felix was trying something, and Claude needed to let him. Felix knew his own limits. </p><p>Felix wasn’t the only one who was protective, though, and Claude didn’t like seeing Felix so uncertain. </p><p>The nerves only amped up when Felix moved a hand to touch against Claude’s cheek. Fingers quivering, tentative, reminding Claude how when he first tried to hold onto a bow as a child. Finally, Felix was able to place his palm along Claude’s jaw, and he jolted out of his skin at his own actions. </p><p>Trying to confirm and maybe settle Felix down a little, Claude reached up and placed his hand over his.</p><p>“I’m not good at this,” Felix admitted. </p><p>“We’re learning.” Claude said, because he was just as bad at this in his own way, which Felix often forgot. But Claude couldn’t contain his smile. Never would he have thought Felix would try this. This wasn’t the way Felix reached out, at least he hadn’t before. It made Claude freer and lighter than he had felt in moons. “We’ll get better.” </p><p>A reciprocating smile tugged at the edge of Felix’s lips. The first smile in a long time it didn’t come with a smirk or an edge of bitterness. “We’ll get better,” he muttered back. </p><p>It was reassuring, and it curled around them like a warm breeze. </p><p>Claude basked, entirely indulgent, time immaterial. Patiently memorizing the way Felix's hands, calloused and cold and comforting, were laying their pressure against him. Watching as Felix, shaken by the intimacy but as always undeterred, pushed his way through yet another battle with himself to do <em>this</em>.  </p><p>Felix lurched forward, then caught himself. Claude stiffened, but tried to remain still. </p><p>Slowly, carefully, like Claude would break otherwise, Felix leaned and pressed his lips to Claude’s forehead. </p><p>Claude closed his eyes. All air left his lungs, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, and he became cocooned by Felix. Felix, who leaned his forehead against his and murmured something so quiet in the space between them that his heart stilled so he could listen. </p><p>“You need a moment.”</p><p>This didn’t send Claude’s thoughts down the path of endless responsibilities as it had before. He was too caught up now, in ways that he may come to regret later, but now he was breathless and longing.</p><p><em>I need you</em>, Claude thought desperately, foolishly, barely any control to keep such silly thoughts to himself. Felix’s hand on Claude’s shoulder moved and now the pressure of Felix’s slender hand was felt against his chest, covering his heart. Claude, unable to restrain himself, curled his free hand around Felix’s wrist and pushed him closer so more of Felix’s weight was on him. </p><p>“You deserve a moment,” Felix amended, as though Claude’s wanting behavior had only affirmed his position. Claude had no breath in him to disagree. </p><p>Felix slid his hand from Claude’s jaw, reaching up to graze his ear and tap his earring, resounding a pleased hum in Felix’s chest. Claude, in turn, trailed his hands up slightly from Felix’s to his forearms, feeling the tendons underneath his thin shirt and gripping lightly as if to hold Felix to him, as though Felix was going somewhere if he didn't. </p><p>“Felix.” His name tumbled out from Claude’s lips, breathless and exposed and <em>needy</em>. He choked on it, realizing that this was where Felix would stand terse and brusque, realizing how overtaken he’d been, and step away. It would be about right. One of them always stepped away, and this time it wasn’t going to be Claude. </p><p>Felix removed his hand from Claude’s ear, and Claude’s mouth dried up with the sardonic laugh at how right he was, and how much he wished he wasn’t. Because maybe it was less needing a moment than it was needing a reminder that not everything was about sword restocking and fighting and war. That reminder was sweetest when it came from a swordsman who was typically the embodiment of all those things, but would soften just for him. And maybe Claude really was starting to lose it, because he didn’t think he could revert back yet, and Felix pulling away hurt too much like dark magic curling around his lungs. </p><p>Then the hand at Claude’s chest fisted, pulling his shirt together in a bunch, pulling him forward ever so slightly. The hand once at his cheek was under his chin, tilting his face upwards. </p><p>Turns out, Felix wasn’t leaving at all. That was made abundantly clear when he kissed him. Slow and tender, as he had been this entire time, which Claude will admire later when Felix denies having potential for such qualities in the first place. It won’t matter what Felix will claim, because Claude will remember this feeling: Felix, shaking but firm in his intent, kissing Claude carefully, earnest in his movements as his hand fisted Claude’s shirt more and his hand on Claude’s chin got on this side of harsh, all acts so fond that it warmed Claude entirely and quieted his mind. </p><p>Claude, unwilling to stop himself, tipped forward the moment Felix broke away, to kiss him again. Felix didn’t seem to mind. Touching the side of Felix's face, he curled one of Felix’s tresses around his finger and tucked it behind his ear, before returning to his position of bracing Felix’s arms. </p><p>Then they took a breath. Felix’s grip slackened on Claude’s shirt, realizing that he was clinging and was fleetingly embarrassed, but Claude was clinging back so Felix didn’t let go. There was never an attempt to get out of each other’s space, instead their breath mingling in the cool evening air. </p><p>Claude to finally opened his eyes. Felix was blushing, which Claude felt on his cheeks when they kissed but he still enjoyed seeing it. The red of the sun was gone, and the purple hue had taken its place, making the room all shadows and soft edges. Even Felix. </p><p>Felix looked unsteady again, unsure what to do. He let go of Claude's chin, and awkwardly set his hand on Claude’s arm. Then he made move to back up but because they were both gripping each other there was nowhere to go. In response, Claude took Felix's awkwardly hanging hand and laced their fingers together, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Don’t be stupid,” Felix snapped, looking away. “You don’t need to thank me.” </p><p>“But I’m grateful,” Claude insisted, teasing just lightly. Claude sighed with relief. His mind did feel quieter. Recharged. That taut string in Claude’s mind had slack in it for the first time in ages, and his eyes didn’t burn as much as absorb all that Felix was, trying to take him in entire. </p><p>Felix, meanwhile, was burning under Claude’s gaze. “Stop looking at me like that.” There was no ire in his words, though, no matter how hard he tried. “<em>Claude</em>,” he implored, taking several glances at Claude to check if he was still looking at him. Claude felt more and more amused every time Felix checked, a small smile forming on Felix’s face despite his desire for Claude to stop staring at him. </p><p>Claude brought the hand laced in his own and kissed the back of his knuckles. Felix sucked in a breath, then squeezed Claude’s hand tight again. </p><p>“You’re a good man, Claude.” There was a bit of pride in his eyes, but Claude could also see the mourning that Felix could never truly shed. Felix swallowed thickly, his grip on Claude’s hand growing strong like before. “<em>Stay</em> that way.”</p><p>Folding his hand around the one Felix had fisted in his shirt, Claude pried it loose and rubbed Felix's palms of the ache they surely felt from gripping so hard. “I appreciate the sentiment,” Claude started, careful, always cautious with such subjects. “But I’m not going to crack like that. You don’t have to worry.”</p><p>“I know.” And Claude could see that Felix did know. It wasn’t a matter of knowing. It was a matter of memory. They had both seen more than once now what happened to leaders who gain a one-track mind, who let themselves be overcome. Claude was just lucky that he hadn’t had a personal connection to one of them, amicable and admiring sure, but there was no foundation like Felix had with Dimitri. </p><p>This was a fear likely never to leave Felix, at least not with the war going on. The potential was too tangible, all the right elements in place to watch yet another leader go drunk on anger, bloodlust and revenge. A fear so palpable it manifested into paranoia, similar to how Claude always kept a dagger underneath his pillow while he slept. But Felix tried to keep it in check with, “Instead you’ll just break your neck sleeping on all your books.”</p><p>Claude snorted, allowing the levity. “There are worse ways to go.” Better than being run-through by a lance, Claude thought. Felix would likely not feel the same, so he kept it to himself. </p><p>“That may be true,” Felix conceded, “but that would be the definition of a needless death.” </p><p>After a beat of silence after such a comment, Claude laughed. Felix seemed surprised, as he often was when Claude found him funny. In response, Claude let go of Felix’s hands to move them around his waist. Felix placed his hands back on his shoulders, pulling Claude forward so Claude’s head rested on his chest. </p><p>Felix wasn’t shaking as terribly anymore, but Claude could hear his heart beating against his ribcage, hard and strong. Claude hummed, content </p><p>It’d been a long time since Claude had been enveloped in a hug. He breathed deep. One thing he appreciated about Felix was that he smelled of home, oddly enough, earthy due to his time at the training grounds and like Almyran Pine Needles because of his favorite tea, which Claude adored. Lorenz had called it symbolic once, in a way to try to tell Claude that he knew about their relationship but would say nothing. Claude found himself agreeing, even if such sentiments would make Felix irritated. </p><p>For now, he pushed those thoughts out of his mind. Tried to remain weightless, in this gifted space Felix had gave them. Tried to take his moment, before picking up the reigns of the war once again. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This actually might be my favorite ship of FE3H. They suit each other, in a way that's never explored in any more than just a brief dialogue by Felix in CF route. </p><p>Talk to me about fe3h and other things at either twitter: https://twitter.com/ArtesiaMinor, or curiouscat: https://curiouscat.me/ArtesiaMinor</p><p>Hope you enjoyed. :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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